The Smallest Trick of Light

"Write with the learned. Pronounce with the vulgar." --Benjamin Franklin

All you need to do is read Ben Franklin's autobiography to see what a great guy he thought he was. That's got to be a rule somewhere: Anyone who writes an autobiography is probably a dick on some level.

But being self-important doesn't mean you're not regular-important too, as Ben Franklin would likely point out. It might even help achieve it, if you're into that kind of thing. Which I maybe sort of am.

I was listening to a song tonight; the lyrics were about how the singer felt when he was a child: invincible, dreamy, important. I tried to make myself the protagonist of the song's narrative (like you do) but I couldn't. I don't remember feeling important as a child.

I remember feeling timid and small. I remember having some big dreams... being a famous journalist or writing novels that people enjoyed... but a half-assed pragmatism got in the way. I knew I didn't know how to do those things, so therefore I couldn't. It didn't occur to me to learn how to try. I just knew I couldn't. Blind assurance of competence never occurred to me like it does for so many self-important people. I just knew I wasn't good enough. The end.

I've learned better since, but I still forget. Even now, I'm surprised every time that it occurs to me fresh: If you don't know how to do something, you can find out how. And if you don't know how to find out, find out how to find out. Keep unraveling with that method until you succeed at the thing you were after in the first place.

I don't know why I learned stopping was better than going. I don't know why I still act like that's the lesson.

There is still time enough and chance to be different. Unlike dancing or boxing or sweeping chimneys, writing is not strictly for the young. But it's frustrating to learn the truth in the middle of the run instead of at the beginning where it could do the most good.

I don't want to be self-important like Franklin, but I do want to get stuff done like Franklin.